Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Chinpokomon Hummers

When I heard today that the Chinese are buying Hummer, I was partially surprised that some Indian Billionaire was not buying it, as many of the male Indian grad students I and Dr Desert Flower have known have openly stated how they long to own the biggest Hummer possible. But then, it hit me, and it all made sense. The Chinese will buy it, and quickly become the sole supplier of spare parts to existing Hummers - 10s of thousands of which are in service in the US military. Quietly, without fan fare, the Chinese encode hidden subroutines in the CPU controllers, tiny RF tags for tracking, "kill switch" micro fuses in the integrated circuits that can be activated by satellite broad cast... and BAM! Completely immobilize the entire fleet of military Humvees, just when it's strategically advantageous for China to do so.

Sound far fetched? Hardly. Matt Stone and Trey Parker did not think so, in the Chinpokomon South Park Episode. Barry Levinson wrote and directed something similar in 1992's Toys. "The Manchurian SUV" ... though Sichuan Province is no closer to Manchuria than Denver is to Detroit.

Sympathetic Sino-philes who think that China is far too benevolent and altruistic to consider such things? Or that the State Government is not involved in day-to-day activities of Chinese businesses... read here, and here, and here. Or better yet, spend 6 months in China, and watch how things are run, and then we'll talk. LOL! Naiveté!


  1. the military humvee is made by AM General, which afaik has no relationship at all to GM or the Hummer sale.

    dunno about part supplying, though.

  2. The H2s are made a separate plant, but the military and the H1s are made at the same plant.

    Many parts are common to all platforms.

    One of my roommates sophomore year, his parents' back yard fence was along the Hummer factory in Mishiwauka.

  3. Humvee, H1, H2, H3...they're all compensating for a small penis...one way or another.


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