Monday, August 28, 2017

Run Like Hell

Not only is Run Like Hell a great Pink Floyd song from their amazing album The Wall, it is also what Tormund Giantsbane shouted to all of his comrades at East Watch on top of The Wall that had guarded Westeros from the dangers of the north for more than eight thousand years, in that fictional world.
(again, spoiler alert... if you have not seen the season finale of Game of Thrones, season 7, read this post after you've seen it)

The season finale was epic, dark, beautifully done.  I won't go through everything here scene by scene, but it IS Worth watching, for all of the ends it ties up, and the new circumstances it presents to the viewer.  Jaime does the right thing. Daenerys still knows how to make a Grand entrance.  Cersie remains one of the largest forces of selfish evil in the world, perhaps equalled by The Night King?  The Hound becomes more likable.  Arya is lethal with her blade. Sansa embraces her family before sycophants.  Sam enlightens the all-seeing three-eyed raven, who needs to get better at predicting things and warning his family about them, instead of just looking all white-eyed in his wheel chair.  The door was held closed for you, FFS!  Do something useful with your new super power Bran flake!

Now, in a physics based world, The Wall was made out of indestructonium since it stuck out into the Narrow Sea at East Watch, and yet after 8000 years of the sea water buffeting against it, The Wall  Never eroded.  Therefore, indestructonium must be one of The Hardest, Most Erosion Resistant, Most Corrosion Resistant, Most Crack Resistant initiating & propagating substances to ever be written about, in any book.  Indestructonium has to be magic... created by magic... shaped by it... maintained by it... However, with such formidable strength and durable properties, there comes a price.  Action / reaction.  If a magic dragon, hatched from an egg that had turned to stone long ago, but when that stone egg was heated in a funeral pyre back in the season 1 finale... and then that magic dragon gets killed by a magic ice javelin... and the thrower os said javelin then resurrects the dead dragon as an undead dragon...  then the magical power of that weapon of mass destruction apparently can over-power 8000 years of ice masonry and indestructonium's use as a long-standing barrier.

As I watched what remained of Viserion repeatedly blast the architectural marvel that was The Wall on Sunday night, I thought to myself:
- is this hot blue fire?
- is this ice coming out of the dragon (like a Gygax dragon)
- is it some kind of psionic blast or energy beam?
- perhaps it is plasma, like that of a white dwarf star?  (but then the undead Viserion would have its own gravitational pull, since it would be far too dense)
... and it wasn't until I talked to my buddy Ryan when he explained to me that it was "magic" and that only magic could defeat magic...  um... ok.  Sure.  I won't think this through any deeper than I already have.

If it is magic breath from a magic beast that was impossibly hauled out of a semi-frozen lake north of the wall by the magical ruler of the magically animated and magically commanded undead, then why not let all that magical confluence take out a long-standing 8000 year old wall?  Sure. Indestructonium be damned!  There's magic at work here!

In that case, Daeneryrs and Jon Targaryen (yeah, He's not a Snow nor a Sand) and their remaining two dragons will likely / should likely be magically destroyed by the Night King and his undead Viserion WMD, and all the steel wielding soldier of Westeros be swarmed by the +100,000 horde of white walkers heading South.  Cersie and all of King's Landing should be wiped out by the undead horde, and all of Westerosy civilization should end as we know it.  I know that doesn't make for a good story or series finale... but if an undead Viserion can destroy an 8000 year old formidable piece of magical creation in less than 1 minute, then it won't take that much longer to kill both siblings, their riders, and let the ground army swarm anything that is still warm-blooded.  I am 99% certain that season 8 and all of GoT won't end that way... but if I was writing it, and I included The Wall coming down as it just did... then that's how I would end the series next season.  3 episodes at best... and then everyone is now part of The Walking Dead.

Wednesday, August 23, 2017

Whenever You Flash Those Baby Blues

(If you have not watched this week's Game of Thrones, don't read this posting, as it's full of spoilers)

As I accurately hypothesized, a month ago on July 18th (link here), the Night King did indeed kill one of Daenerys's three dragons, and he's turned it into a "wight dragon" or undead dragon, white walker / white flyer dragon.  He didn't need any of his 3 undead giants to throw a spear and kill the dragon Viserion, as I had theorized. No, apparently, the Night King is a Winter Olympic medalist in the javelin throw (I know the javelin throw is a Summer Olympics sport...  but it is still funny.. thank you my friend Ryan), and he has some wickedly powerful ice javelins at his disposal.


So now, for the first time in Westeros, there's a dragon under the power of the Night King.  This sure puts a massive twist into the plot.  Will the dragon breathe fire, as a living dragon would?  Will it breathe ice, now that it has been turned into a blue eyed thing of terrible beauty?  Will it not be able to breathe fire or ice, but still be huge, formidable, and destructive, and will it try and kill it's mother at the Night King's command?  We shall see (il faut voir).

For all of the positive points in last Sunday's episode,
- massive numbers of white walkers torched by 3 dragons
- Arya recounting the story of her father watching her archery practice
- Thoros explaining how drunk he was when he stormed Pyke with a flaming sword (back from a Season 1 reference)
- Tyrion giving counsel to Daenerys to not be like her father and other tyrants before her
- a white walker polar bear, killed by an obsidian dagger (dragon glass)
- lots of flaming sword action
- Arya not killing Sansa and taking her face
- Jon Snow trying to give Jorah back his sword and Jorah respectfully refusing to take it

... there were some MAJOR plot holes & inconsistencies that didn't make much sense to the logical thinking viewer.  Sure, they were necessary to move the story forward, but things like:
- The Flash like capabilities of Gendry to run massive distances ALL the way back to East Watch in just a few minutes, in what took the group hours to traverse
- the existence of a non-frozen lake, north of The Wall (why hasn't the ice wall melted, if a simple lake remains un-frozen?)
- why use steel swords to fight white walkers when steel doesn't kill them... obsidian does (Jorah has this Down, he gets it)
- the apparently "light speed traveling ravens", who could get from East Watch to Dragonstone instantaneously, and then the light speed flying dragons who could get from Dragonstone to East Watch in just a few minutes (perhaps the dragons can teleport?)
- the failure of any of Daenerys' dragons to take out the white walker leadership (pictured above) before they could kill one of them (dragons are supposed to be smarter than most humans, per Tolkien et al)
- Jon Snow's ability to hold his breath in freezing cold water, and swim while clothed in soaking wet furs, climb out of the lake and onto thin ice that doesn't continue to break (I spent alot of time out on frozen Big Pond between Highland and Hammond in the winter when I was a kid... ice doesn't freeze THAT irregularly, to be able to support men and horses, and then just break, willy nilly, with solid edges strong enough to support the weight of a man climbing out... that's why you need a rope or a ladder to extricate someone who has fallen into a frozen lake)
- the sudden convenient plot device of undead-but-still-pure-of-heart Uncle Ben Jen Once Again, appearing out of no where to save the day
- the sudden appearance of two MASSIVE ship chains, in the middle of No Where, north of The Wall, with which to hoist out a dead Viserion from the semi-frozen lake
- the appearance (off screen, not shown) of incredibly strong, white walker cold water divers, who could jump into the lake that had previously wiped out many of their numbers, wrap the mysteriously appearing massive ship anchor chains around Viserion's punctured neck, so that the dead dragon could be hoisted out of the water (maybe the Night King used his 3 undead giants for the underwater work, and then didn't bother to use the giants to pull out the corpse, instead having 100s of frail & decomposing wights pull on the massive ship anchor chains instead?)



So now, the questions I have are as follows:
1) will the wight dragon formerly known as Viserion be used to melt a hole in The Wall, through which the horde of White Walkers will pour through?
2) if the undead Viserion can no longer breathe fire, will the undead giants be used to bash down the rickety, poorly maintained tune, door through which Jon Snow and Tormund Giantsbane's party passed through, so that the horde of undead can pour South?
3) When Daenerys and Tyrion sit down with Cersie for parle, assuming they bring the writhing white walker they captured (if the Night King doesn't just make the captive die or shatter), will Cersie be convinced that the threat from the North is real?
4) will obsidian weapons be distributed to everyone, or just Jon Snow's army and the Free Folk get them in order to dispatch white walkers?
5) Since geography doesn't matter, ships can sail around a continent in less than a day, ravens and dragons can traverse 100s of miles instantaneously, Lannister armies can march on and destroy High Garden in just a few days... how many hours or days will it take for the Night King and his horde to reach King's Landing?  It Should Be just one or two days, like "the next episode" and not "next season", considering all the previous precedents around geography & time set by D.B. Weiss and David Benioff.  Perhaps old Walder Frey's "The Twins" can be destroyed by dragons so that will stall the horde slightly.

I'd really hoped that the 3 dragons would torch all the white walkers, and this would be the last season of Game of Thrones... but Weiss and Benioff love money so much, they're going to milk the series for all it's worth.  Dethrone Cersie, put Daenerys on the throne like she's always wanted, draw & quarter Euron, let Jon Snow and his 1/2 sister Daenerys rule happily ever after. Conflict resolved, game over... but... that's why I am not a Hollywood producer or multi-millionaire; il faut voir.

Wednesday, August 16, 2017

The Wire's Lester Freamon

Over the last month I watched all 5 seasons of HBO's The Wire (music post here: link) and really enjoyed it.  Each season focusing on a different aspect of life in and around Baltimore.  Written, vetted, acted, filmed, directed really well, with an excellent pace, rhythm, focus; I highly recommend watching it, and not just saying "I love the wire... but I don't know any of the episodes" as most Umerikuns have stated at some time in the past.  I'd only seen bits and pieces when staying in hotel rooms, disjointed, I could not appreciate the magnitude of the series.



In retrospect, when I look across all the 100s of characters presented throughout the 5 seasons, the one character who stands out as the most likable, most relatable, least flawed, in my perspective is Lester Freamon, played by the excellent actor Clarke Peters.  Lester was one of the oldest & least appreciated detectives on the BPD.  Politically incorrect, doing "what was right" before considering how it would damage his career's trajectory, Lester's steady hand and clear mind was refreshing in each scene in which he appeared.  Fastidious, meticulous, tenacious, passionate, determined, driven, mentoring, patient, enduring, curious, insightful, intelligent, level headed (usually), deductive, adept, and righteous.  He was "good police".  As the 2nd oldest member of the last engineering team I led (with most of the other team members being 20 to 25 years younger than me, who looked up to me) and mentored, it makes sense that Lester is the one I could identify most closely with and with whom I could empathize.

Yes, in The Wire, Lester sometimes drank too much, but who doesn't drink too much sometimes? (Ben Franklin always said not to trust the man who drinks water when everyone else is drinking ale... and I do not disagree with old Ben).  Lester had quite an R rated vocabulary and tone, especially when he was justifiably incensed, but again, that's a common human trait.  I know I have from time to time.

The other character I could closely relate to, ironically was also played by "a Clark" - Clark Johnson played the city desk editor Augustus (Gus) Haynes.  Gus worked for metric driven stuffed suits who placed morality & honesty on a much lower priority than glowing recognition and public perception.  Sadly, I've worked in roles like that as well, far too often in the past.  Gus was only in the final season, and not throughout the entire series, so I didn't have enough time to relate to him, and how he dealt with tools like Scott Templeton... but I have a personal appreciation for Gus's daily struggle.

If you've not watched The Wire, you really should.  Especially if you are stuck in a airplane, a hotel, or on a couch recovering from an orthopedic injury that limits your mobility.  It'll be time well spent, eye opening, enlightening, and informative.

National Pine Cone Reserve

When I was a kid growing up in Highland Indiana, every year my parents worked diligently in preparing for our parish's "Christmas Bazaar" where arts and crafts and all sorts of Christmasy goods were sold to raise money for the church and school.  My mom would work with the volunteer ladies who made crafts.  My father would work throughout the year in his workshop in the basement, sawing, coping, gluing, clamping, painting various pieces of woodwork (bird houses, paper towel racks, etc).  Most of the goods had a Christmas theme to them, and wreaths, holly, and pine cones were common-place.

So imagine my surprise when I ascended the hill across the street from my home, and found the drainage culvert up there FILLED with beer-can sized pine cones!  As I walked further along the hill-side, I found hundreds, if not thousands of pine cones; many wheelbarrows worth of pine cones.  If mailing goods was cheaper than it is (I recently mailed a very light package to Chicago, via slow snail mail, and the postage costs were almost as much as the contents of the package!) I would send mass quantities of pine cones back to Highland so the church volunteer ladies could craft them into various & sundry Christmasy goods.  Also, geography conspires against us.


Tuesday, August 15, 2017

Torrey Pines Beach Yoga

Back in June, I drove Dr Desert Flower down to Otay Mesa so she could get a Fast Pass Global Entry and bypass the log immigration ICE lines that always exist when crossing into the U.S. from Mexico.  After I dropped her off at work, I stopped off at Torrey Pines State Natural Reserve, just off the PCH, with my State Park annual parking pass & yoga mat in hand.  It was a sunny day, when I parked at the beachside parking lot, and crossed the steep road that ascends up to the top of the Torrey Pines bluffs, located a mostly-flat spot that over looked the beach, and I rolled out my mat.  It was a new place in which I've never practiced yoga before.  I thought it would be a good morning.


Within about 10 minutes of beginning my practice, a thick marine layer began rolling in.  By "thick" I mean the 50 yards between the water's edge and I became occluded by mist to the point where I could no longer see the sea.  I could hear the waves... and the mist made me pretty damp and sticky, but I could not bask in the warm sun nor see the waves rolling in and crash on the beach.   (These were 3 to 4 foot waves, that made quite a crash, when they rolled in)

After more than 1/2 an hour in the wetting mist of the thick marine layer, I called it quits, rolled up my mat, and headed home.  (the gray backpack pictured here, was the last time it was usable... more on that in a future post).  It was interesting to note that the marine layer marched in from South to North.  Right Behind me, was a steep incline that lead up to the Torrey Pines bluffs, more than a 100 feet above where my mat and I were.  I could visibly see wisps of mist condensing as the wind drove the moist air against the cliffside and spiraled past me, within just a few minutes of taking this photo.

I'll practice there again, as it was scenic, natural, and inspiring... far better than any flatulence or sweat scented yoga studio.  Beach yoga studios are the kind of environment I call "my happy place".
= )

The Allure of Organic Tomatoes

Dr Desert Flower loves fresh tomatoes.  I prefer my tomatoes cooked... but I will tolerate a fresh tomato sliced on a burger if it is an option.  DFF has been trying to grow tomatoes on the East side of our home, where the side yard gets about 3 hours of intense late morning sun after our M class star claims high enough to shine over the 5 foot tall masonry border wall.  The eastern garden was not very fruitful.  Either because of the limited UV window, or the poor soil, and poor drainage... or the legacy of the cornucopia of chemicals (both pesticides and fertilizers) that the previous homeowners left us in the garage's "cabinet of death" we found when we moved in... we were not sure.  But we gave up on the side yard, and moved a large potted tomato plant to the sun drenched court yard at our front door.

The front door court yard BAKES in the mid-day.  The 2 story southern facing house wall reflects a good deal of heat energy, the concrete warms up considerably, and the tomato plant basks in all of this solar radiance.  Tomatoes have been plentiful, producing almost 1 a day (6 to 10 a week) over the last month.  Then... we started seeing little black "rice grains" on the concrete around the base of the plant, and many of the leaves were completely eaten.  Turns out, the "rice grains" were "castings" (not inconel castings... insect larva poop, caterpillar droppings), and DDF identified the perfectly camouflaged caterpillars as cabbage loopers, laid by a moth who loves tomatoes.  These loopers - which look like Sesame Street Inch Worms when they are young and little and cute - can grow to the size of an adult human's pinky.  They are relentless.  They are perfectly hidden on the plant, mimicking the exact same green color, latching on underneath a large leaf, gripping the stems with their multiple caterpillar legs tenaciously, and chomping into the plant viciously with 4 alien-like jaws.

Each day I water the tomato plant as a good unemployed husband, after applying for 3 to 5 jobs.  Each day I look for the tell-tale black "castings" laying around the plant, and if I find any (as I do about 1/2 the days I look), then I closely inspect the plant, looking for the devious little critters who love tomatoes as much as DDF does.  When I find one, I toss it out into the lawn (previously using my fingers, but I've placed a small pair of needle nose pliers out on the table in the court yard, as the loopers put off a green defensive slime when gripped between fingers... and I don't need any more inflammation in my life) and let the birds eat them; peacocks and peahens are frequent visitors to our front lawn.

The interwebs told us to use dish soap solution, sprayed on the plant, to discourage the loopers, as a way to not harm the fruit or plant.  Yes, a bubbly dish soap (we use Dawn) DOES make the little young loopers fall off in distress, and one can easily find them on the concrete.  But the fat, puffy, fully-grown adults completely ignore the dish soap sprayed on them, even when I spray it DIRECTLY on them, leaf inverted, directly impinged, 10 or 20 squirts, all of its little feet tenaciously gripping the poor little tomato plant, undeterred.  All of this caterpillar assault has left the tomato plant undaunted.  In fact, the tomato plant has re-doubled its efforts in producing fruit, as if to raise a big middle finger to the insects who are trying to destroy it.  That's good news; more tasty tomatoes chez nous.

Anatomy of a Volvo Headlight Assembly

Last month I was driving to Pep Boys in Encinitas, when all-of-a-sudden, my Volvo C70 dashboard told me that one of my head lights was out.  I'd never had a car tell me, as the driver, that the head lamp was burnt out.  Convenient and serendipitous that it happened on the way to the auto parts store.

I purchased (2) replacement lamps, figuring that if one burnt out, the 2nd one would likely burn out sometime within the next year, and headed home to figure out how to change it.  Volvo was Way Ahead of me, and had already designed in an extremely simple & straight-forward mechanism "designed for maintenance".  Unlike most engineers, I took out the instruction manual (age has proven to refer to the directions first, before breaking something additional in ignorance) and found that Volvo had implemented a 3 sided alignment pin that was a small aluminum spike.  Withdraw the spike, and viola, the entire head lamp assembly easily slid forward to allow bulb replacement.



On Hondas, Chevrolets, Infiniti, Fords and Mazdas, I've struggled and strained to get head light bulbs out of blind or hidden assemblies, by feel.  With the Volvo C70, it was incredibly simple.  So simple in fact, that when I had to return to Pep Boys (because they sold me the wrong model head lamp the first time... from a counter person who didn't understand the specificity of exact part numbers... but the manager corrected the error on my return) ... I was able to replace the head lamp In The Parking Lot, easily.


I was very impressed.  If only all car makers and all consumer goods manufacturers had thought this through as thoroughly as Volvo has done... servicing their products when parts need to be replaced would be So Much easier!  Now.. if the same care could have been applied to the location of the oil filter... instead of being buried behind the engine and above the hot exhaust manifold, then That would have been awesome!

Finally, Eastwatch

Game of Thrones season 7 episode 5 last Sunday helped close some loose ends, but opened up a few new ones.  As always, if you have not yet seen the episode, stop reading now, as this will likely spoil it for you.


I've been a fan of the opening credit sequence of GoT over the last 7 seasons, and when Eastwatch was shown, with very few gears (barely working), multiple cracks in the wall (falling into disrepair, or severely in need of repair) I was a little disappointed to see how weak the fortification was, but the 2nd time I watched it (and screen grabbed it from HBO To Go) the more clarity it gave me.  Much like how Winterfell's bevel gears were chipped and the dire wolf's head was replaced with the flayed man while the Bolton's held the castle, Eastwatch is not so much a castle as it is a neglected relic.

It is an understatement to say that Jaime Lannister's ability to hold his breath and swim massive distances underwater (nearly a 1/4 mile, from the scene where he and Bronn Finally surface away from the burning loot train) means that not only is Jaime the finest swordsman of Westeros, but he can swim better (faster, longer, more strongly) than Michael Phelps.  Phelps never wears full plate mail or a golden hand when he swims, and the length of an Olympic sized pool is no where near a 1/4 mile, so Jaime is at least 10X better a swimmer than Michael Phelps, as far as physics is concerned (and no, I don't believe that farcical statement).

Despite the fact that Jaime isn't dead (though he should be), he did serve a nice role in having a parle with his little brother down in the catacombs.  Useful plot advancement, sure... but then he never should have tried to skewer Daenerys when she was attempting to un-spear her dragon Drogon, now should he?
















The internet rumors about how Jon Snow and Daenerys are either Aunt & nephew, or cousins, or 1/2 siblings from a different mother, were given serious wind in their sails when Jon took off his glove and bare-handedly petted Drogon's nose on the windswept cliff of Dragonstone while Daenerys was riding her largest and most vociferous child.  I doubt that I would have been able to muster touching the nose of such a large beast, and would have been concentrating on not evacuating my bowels or voiding my bladder to be that close to history's most lethal biological killing machine.  It was a Very Nice touch to be added to the series (double entendre intended).

The "fool's errand" that Jon Snow, The Hound, and Tormund Giantsbane undertake to "capture" a white walker and bring it back to show the Southerns that the threat is real form the army of the dead, is just going to get them all killed.  Much like Saving Private Ryan, or the United State's misadventures in Afghanistan, or any of a dozen search-and-rescue movies popular in modern culture... you know it's going to go terribly wrong.  The Night King will see them coming from miles away, and the entire party that sets out through the East Watch tunnel should be killed or turned into white walkers immediately, regardless of how much dragon glass they might or might not be carrying (no time was spent showing weapons being forged from Dragonstone mined dragon glass obsidian... but one can assume that some kind of spears or daggers were hastily thrown together).

I DO think that Tormund Giantsbane (Kristofer Hivju) is one of The Most under-appreciated and under-rated characters in all of GoT.  He's brought his red haired tribe south of the wall to escape annihilation.  He watched as The King Beyond The Wall was set to burn at the stake at Castle Black.  His female kin who hooked up with Jon Snow also got killed in the battle of Castle Black, and then he VOLUNTEERS to go to the decrepit Eastwatch Castle to be run over by a horde of white walker undead. He's a remarkable warrior, a great leader, attracted to strength & skill... From a cultural stand point, this leader has been through ALOT.  His patience has been tested, he's been openly insulted in several episodes by lesser men, and yet he keeps on being a reliable, go-to, force majeure.  I will be sad if/when he inevitably gets killed & turned into a red haired white walker.  I would have enjoyed fighting alongside Tormund, sharing a roasted goat or sheep with him, and exchanging tall tales around a warm fire after a pitched battle.

Wednesday, August 9, 2017

He's Got the Fire & the Fury

Back on July 2nd, while on a flight from LAX to Covington Kentucky, I jammed my elbow tween the arm rest and the fuselage in a Delta coach flight (link here) and through the rest of July and the beginning of August, my left arm (elbow, bicep, triceps) has been fairly useless.  I've been icing it, elevating it, trying to stretch it.  Physical therapy began this week, and today was my 2nd PT session, and there's been some increase in mobility, decrease in pain, and I can almost use the left arm for things like shampooing my hair, driving a car and turning a steering wheel, etc... all good things, all good progress.

While icing my arm and keeping my elbow elevated higher than my shoulder, for several hours each day, I caught up on most all of my DVR recordings, and I set out determinedly to watch the entire HBO series The Wire, on my legal HBO To GO account (since Amazon wanted to charge me to watch season 5, after letting me watch seasons 1-4 for "free" with my Amazon Prime account.  Netflix recommended Luther... which I may watch in August, as I still have 2 or 3 more weeks, at least, of PT & icing ahead of me.

When I heard the farsical child who is the 45th President say that the DPRK will face "Fire & Fury", I thought of the opening music for The Wire.  Each season had a different artist (or set of artists) perform their version of the 1990 Tom Waits song Down In A Hole:
Season 1 - The Blind Boys of Alabama (Spirit of the Century, 2001)
Season 2 - Tom Waits (Franks Wild Years 1990)
Season 3 - The Neville Brothers (...and all the pieces matter, 5 years of Music from The Wire)
Season 4 - DoMaJe (Beyond Hamsterdam, 2008)
Season 5 - Steve Earle (Washington Square, 2007)
Season 5, last episode, finale recap - The Blind Boys of Alabama (...and all the pieces matter, 5 years of Music from The Wire)

I like Tom Waits original the best, I think.  They're all good, in their own interpretations.  "He's got the fire and the fury, at his command".  Full set of Waits lyrics here: link


I certainly hope the know-nothing, impetuous, 2-minute-attention-span, Obama-obsessed spoiled child who never got his Daddy's approval doesn't cause massive fissile fallout to rain down over the Western Pacific, and in the process, kill millions of Koreans, Japanese, and Chinese, while taking the US economy, stock market, and West Coast real estate prices; il faut voir.

Monday, August 7, 2017

Geography Still Doesn't Matter in a Dragon Based Economy

Last month, I stated that "Geography Doesn't Matter in a Dragon Based Economy" (link here).  Euron's fleet and Daenerys Targaryen's fleets occupied the same space in the Season 7 opening episode of GoT, and not a single mention of it was made in the show despite the Narrow Sea and the close proximity of Dragonstone to Kings Landing.

(if you have not watched any of Season 7 and want to avoid spoilers, stop reading now)
Horizon of Dothraki 
The 2nd episode had Euron's Iron Island fleet mysteriously SURPRISE and DESTROY Daenerys's renegade Greyjoy fleet and apparently All the armies of Dorne who were aboard as well, AT NIGHT, with very few casualties among Euron's angry bunch, which was farcical for multiple reasons.  Euron's flagship finds Yara Greyjoy's flagship, undetected, without any warning, raids it, kills or imprisons everyone on it, and sinks it, in the middle of 1000s of ships (no radar, no satellites, no infrared... yet 100% successful for despicable & revolting Euron).  None of the Dorne soldiers apparently survived... but Dorne is a much larger and formidable force & geographic area than the tiny pugnacious Iron Islands.  Instead of firing a bunch of arrows into Then as he jumps over board, they sail away and just let him bob in the cold water...  all ridiculous aspects of an otherwise well written, acted, and presented television show.
Silly Scorpion, Don't Aggravate A Full Grown Wyvern
Last night's episode (#4 in the 7th season) DID FINALLY bring out the wyverns (remember, they're technically NOT dragons since they lack front legs / limbs) directly into a battle, unleashing the full fury of organic napalm delivered from the throat of a very angry, full grown Drogons.  I loved the "Smaug moment" Drogons had when Jaime's Lannister archers let loose a volley of arrows that harmlessly bounced off Drogons underbelly scales.
Silly Human Archers
But the reason I have reiterated that "geography doesn't matter" is because of the episode ending where Jaime is knocked from his horse (apparently by the flame resistant Bronn who has repeatedly saved Jaime's behind) and he falls, slowly dragged to the bottom of a very deep body of water, by his gold hand and his heavy plate mail armor.  Well, if you're going to arrange for a very deep drowning pool to be part of the plot, you can't have a gentle slope of meadow grass tapering off at the water's edge.  Such a gentle slop would have made the water 1 or 2 feet deep MAX where Jaime was knocked from his horse, 1/2 a second before the running equine was turned into ash by the wounded and angry Drogons' fire.  One or two feet deep, and muddy, would have been the "water" that Jaime fell into, after charging the wyvern & Daenerys with his steed and spear at a full tilt (while his little brother pleads from the hill top, futilely, that Jaime flee, instead).
Little Brother's insight, not heeded by older brother
Is Jaime dead?  Did he drown, dragged down by his armor and gold hand?  He should be.  If he's not, when he surfaces, he'll be a crunchy treat for Drogons, who has not yet been fed this season (on camera).  So wether he drowned in an impossibly deep body of water that should have been 2 feet deep at most near the bank where he fell in, or he surfaces and gets eaten, it doesn't matter.

Why do I care at all about geography, when there are witches, 3-eyed ravens, white walkers, wyverns,  resurrected zombies like The Mountain, and a flame-proof Daenerys inter-woven into the story?  Because geography matters.  Geography anchors the reference frame, it provides logical context, to is the foundation upon which the rest of the "world" from H R R Martin or anyone else can exists, function, facilitate commerce, livelihoods for the citizens of that world... so that it can be believable.  Throw in the magic and mythical creatures, and that makes it more exciting to the readers / watchers. But make a gentle sloping river bank lead to a DEEP Sudden Ledge of a drowning pool... make a bay so narrow that it cannot hold thousands of ships that couldn't see each other... it creates a landscape with so many unknowns that the watcher / reader doesn't know if Up is Down, left is right, gradual is sudden, light is dark, etc.


In Avatar, they had floating geography, that the "unobtainium" caused to hover above the planet's surface, sure.  But the "unobtainium" was intrinsic to the plot, it was Why the humans were mining the planet and disturbing the entire eco-system.  The viewer could suspend disbelief because of how central the geographic features were to the viability of the plot.  In GoT, the geographic anomalies keep getting in the way, making the world of Westeros into a farce instead of a fantasy realm.

Enough said... now it's time for me to make some dinner.

Cumbersome, again

For the last week, Seven Mary 3's Cumbersome has been running through my head.  I can't seem to get it out of my brain.

7 years ago, I posted this here on JustJoeP... but due to its persistence in my consciousness, I am posting it again.  This time, the live version from David Letterman, 21 years ago.  (things live forever, sometimes, on the internet)

Friday, July 28, 2017

Lint Police

If you don't keep your dryer's lint screen clean, your clothes will take longer to dry, your dryer will use more energy to dry the same amount of clothes, and you could eventually cause a fire as the lint builds up not just on the filter screen but further upstream as small particulate builds up on heating elements (gas or electric) and could readily combust.

I clean out the dryer screen every time I run a load of clothes through the machine.  I used to try and use my finger tips, but I keep my finger nails consistently short to avoid scratching myself when I get itchy from time to time, so "scraping" the lint off the screen is not so effective with just my fingers.  A few weeks ago, I started using the old spent dryer sheet to peel off the lint.  It works remarkably well.  I wanted to share this little life-hack with everyone else.  The used dryer sheet is 99.9% worthless, as it has already given up its fabric softener to the previous load, and it is just taking up space (albeit a minuscule space) in the dried load.  Fish it out of the load, use it to grab the lint's edge and peel it off the screen, easy, peezy.

And if you go camping frequently, and have trouble starting camp fires, save the lint to start fires, rapidly.  I've saved several lunch bags worth of it, to keep in my "WTSHTF" kit, if I ever need it.

You're welcome  = )

Thursday, July 27, 2017

Big Sick, Yes. Baby Driver, No.

Dr Desert Flower and I went to go see The Big Sick a week ago.  It was a sweet romantic comedy, written by Kumail Nanjiani and his wife Emily Gordon, based upon the story of how they met and how Kumail got to know her parents.  Kumail's immigrant family expects him to marry a nice Pakistani Muslim woman.  Kumail can't find an arranged bride who appeals to him.  The movie is well written, well acted, touching, and a good "date movie".

This morning I donated blood in San Marcos, near the Civic Center, and on my way back from the bloodmobile, I stopped by the Edwards Regal cinemas in San Marcos, hoping to see a pre-noon showing of Dunkirk, which I keep hearing is a massive adrenalin ride and emotional assault on the human condition.  When I got to the theater, it was 1045am and the next Dunkirk was not for another 40 minutes.  Baby Driver was showing at 1045, and being one who doesn't like previews, I opted to see Baby Driver.  It had Kevin Spacey & Jon Hamm in it, and even a cameo by Flea, so I thought "why not?"  Bad decision.

Baby Driver had a body count upwards of a John Wick movie.  Director Edgar Wright loves car chases and shoot outs, and if the shoot outs are killing mobsters or human traffickers or other scum, I'll sit through it, and maybe I might enjoy it.  But in Baby Driver most of the bodies were law enforcement, security guards, and people who were just going about their own business.  Gratuitous violence. Graphic & ruthless death.  Unlikeable characters.  As soon as the closing credits started to roll I was the first person out of the movie theater.  A waste of $7.50.  I'm sorry, but unloading a clip from a semi automatic to the rhythm of the music playing, as if pulling the trigger is the bass line, is insulting, unrealistic, and profoundly insulting.  Sure, there's 2 fast-paced and superbly executed car chases around the Atlanta metro area included in the film, but the rest of it is full of unpleasant, unlikeable, unredeemable characters doing terrible things to each other.  Not something I want to pay to watch.

Tuesday, July 18, 2017

In A Dragon Based Economy, Geography Doesn't Matter

In a Dragon Based Economy, apparently geography doesn't really matter.  Or "everything you wanted to know about the Game of Thrones season premier, but we're too afraid to ask".
Dragonstone is near Jamie's feet, Kings Landing is 1/2 way to his sister & lover Cersei

I call it a "Dragon Based Economy" because that what John Oliver called it on Colbert's Late Night show twice last week.  "We're talking some serious dragon money" - when Last Week Tonight bought 5 wax presidents from a closing Ohio Presidential museum.  Game of Thrones is one of the Main anchors that brings in subscribers (and pirates) to HBO, along with Real Time (which I watch, every time it's on), The Leftovers (which I couldn't care less about), and Ballers (which I can't give even 1/2 a sh*t about no matter how hard I try).  Westworld was a good series, and in my mind, Needed to STOP when it stopped.  There's Zero Need to continue with Samurai Westworld, Outer Space Westworld, or Ancient Roman Westworld...  but the bean counters and non-creatives at HBO apparently disagree with my perspective and want to keep raking in the cash from zombified viewers.

Another Danish actor steal jobs from good Americans & Brits
Now, why do I state that "geography doesn't matter"?  Well, the newly usurping & murderous Lord of the Iron Born Euron Greyjoy (putting the "Ew!" in "Euron") shows up with an armada of "1000 ships" at Kings Landing, in an attempt to gain favor with Queen Cersei (and ask for her hand in marriage... ew!!! I think I just tasted some of my own vomit), but his massive fleet somehow doesn't run into the even more massive fleets of Greyjoy deserters, Unsullied warriors, 2nd Sons (I'm actually a 2nd son myself, heh heh), and the Dothraki Horde - not to mention 3 massive and very hungry dragons that have been flying air cover for the invading fleet - that Daenerys Targaryen is leading to the island of Dragonstone.  Dragonstone, per the maps of Westeros, is near the eastern mouth of the long bay that eventually leads to Kings Landing.  The Iron Islands, Pyke, are on the Western side of Westeros, north of Casterly Rock.  THERE IS NO Northern Passage, as global warming has not yet melted the ice caps north of the Seven Kingdoms as it already has in Canada and Russia on this world in this age, where Polar Bear mothers now have to swim for more than a 100 miles with their newly born cubs to reach the pack ice, where upwards of 90% of the cubs are drowning, exhausted, as they used to only have to swim a mile or 2 at most.  At least I got to see a Polar Bear in the zoo when I was a kid, before they all become extinct.

But human driven climate change aside, Ewwww-Euron's 1000 ships would have had to sail Down around the Southern end of Westeros, past Dorne, and then northward UP the Narrow Sea, side-by-side or just ahead / just behind Daenerys's even bigger fleet was sailing through, with 3 circling and hungry dragons who would have obliterated the 1000 Greyjoy ships just as they torched the slavers ships in Slaver's Bay several seasons ago, until the slavers finally surrendered and Daenerys took their ships for her crossing of the Narrow Sea.  I've included a handy screen shot from the episode where Cersei is standing in the middle of a courtyard painted as the map of Westeros, for your reference, above.  Both fleets could no co-exist in the same Narrow Sea at the same timer even within a few days of each other, due to their MASSIVE sizes and the remarkably slow pace that sail driven sea travel has when flying just one or 2 sails, and not a massive array of studding sails, spanker sails, royal, sky, moonraker, and top sails as Only Euron's flag ship tried to set (with aerodynamic inaccuracies, sorry special effects folks who were concerned more with style than substance).  "That which is dead can never die" ... no..  how about "that which is dumb cannot get dumber", or "that which is repulsive cannot get even more repulsive".  So Euron's travel to and appear in Kings Landing was not logistically possible, unless he somehow teleported or owned a T.A.R.D.I.S. with enough capacity to move his entire fleet instantaneously without running into Daenerys's fleet.


Sure, "The Twins" where they Freys slaughtered and then got slaughtered themselves ("poison is a woman's weapon") apparently divides the northern part of the Seven Kingdoms from the southern part, perhaps for lack of any small boats that could traverse the water way southeast of "The Twins", I can understand that.  But the waterway that "The Twins" crosses Does Not extend all the way to the west coast of Westeros, so there's no way Euron and his massive fleet could have sailed down it.

Geography aside, the Season 7 premier was pretty good.  Several other poignant observations I made in retrospect are as follows:

1) what's scarier than a whole horde of decomposing white walkers who can't be killed with steel weapons?  A horde of decomposing white walkers who have in their ranks ancient Giants whom they've killed and then resurrected as blue eyed white walkers before the giant corpses could be burnt.  Undead zombie giants are Far More Lethal than undead foot soldiers or undead calvary.  An undead giant could lob a spear the size of a telephone pole with a big nasty pointy end, far into the air (like the height of "The Wall" as happened several seasons ago when the Wildling Free Folk attacked "The Wall" with Giants at their side)... and such a spear could impale one of the precious 3 dragons, perhaps killing it.  Then... the Night King resurrects the dead dragon as a undead dragon...  and it kills the other two remaining dragons.  That would be Game Over, for Game of Thrones.  
What's worse than one white walker Giant? Three white walker Giants!
2) if you were not watching with closed captioning on (as we do in our house, with hearing impaired viewers  and for clarity), you would not know that the massively gray scaled hand that tried to reach out to Samwell Tarly was indeed the hand of Jorah Mormont (former Lord of Bear Island, then reluctant slave trader to keep his wife comfortable and provide "the lifestyle to which she was accustomed", then kidnapper of Tyrion and rebuked suitor of Daenerys).  Seems that Jorah made his way to Old Town to seek a cure for grayscale from the Maesters, but Westerosian medicine still didn't have a cure for that ailment.

3) if you've stolen the keys to the forbidden & locked up Maester reference library, and you have only a few seconds to lift an ancient book from the bizarrely chained shelves (was Old Town seismically active?), make sure you pick The Exact Tome that has the history of the Last Winter in it, that shows Precisely where a whole mountain of Dragon Glass is on the island of Dragonstone (at the mouth of the bay that leads right to Kings Landing)... it just seems rather far fetched to me, as I am old enough to remember going to the library Before there was a searchable internet, and you had to use the card catalogue, or the headache inducing microfiche, and you spent hours and hours searching to find just one or two gems that you could include in a bibliography.  There was no Google, Yahoo, Bing, Lycos,  Ask Jeeves, AltaVista, Infoseek, or Webcrawler back when I was in school.  If you wanted to find a book in a library, you had to search for it, long and hard, and hope you got lucky and it wasn't checked out when you finally located it.  Samwell Tarly grabs it The First Pick, while under pressure of being discovered a few seconds later by the next Maester who walks in.  Sure... let's keep suspending disbelief.
Voted most likely to be killed by White Walkers by his Free Folk High School

This should be a good season.  Let the white walkers come... depose the angry Cersei who has no allies (let Arya do it, gleefully)... make a bunch of weapons out of Dragonstone's Dragon Glass cache... wipe out the Greyjoys from the surface of the sea and have their octopus god devour their rotting remains... let the alternative lifestyle Dorne and Greyjoy girls enjoy themselves together... sacrifice the Free Folk & their leader Tormund Giantsbane to the white walker hordes just as corporate America does to the middle class without blinking an eye... have Brienne take out The Mountain as she took out his little brother and then she and Jaime can get together... let Samwell Tarly save the day with his book-learnin... and let Jon Snow get it on with his 1/2 sister Daenerys once the Starks and Daenerys armies band together to fight the White Walker horde.  I can't care about Baelish, Bran, Sansa, Qyburn, Podrick, man-bun Thoros or one eyed Beric very much at all.  Sure, Martin can kill off most of the main characters and elevate any of these lesser roles if he wants to... but... that would hurt the franchise at this point, and HBO wants to keep making money.  Please just let it be one or two more seasons... and not 4 or 5 more, or it'll go on far too long as the books have.


Tuesday, July 11, 2017

Window Seat Elbow Room

On July 2nd, Dr Desert Flower and I flew from LAX to Covington Kentucky (Cincinnati's deserted airport, across the Ohio River), and Delta upgraded us from economy exit row seats up to row 14A and B in "Delta Comfort", which gives you i) 2 or 3 inches of more leg room ii) free carbohydrate loaded snacks [as many as you want, basket brought around twice during the flight... but sadly, very very little protein], and iii) free alcoholic drinks.  Delta says that it gives you "dedicated over-head bin space" in Delta Comfort, but I've frequently seen people in zones 1, 2, and 3 putting their over-stuffed roller bags in ANY over-head they can desperately find, "Delta Comfort" or otherwise.

I like window seats.  I need a window seat.  Let me lean up against the inside of the fuselage, and escape the morbidly obese traveller in the economy ticketed middle seat who hogs the shared arm rests.  I can look out the window, I can sleep against the cool plastic that lines the aluminum fuselage (I try and pick a seat on the North side of the plane when traveling across the US by air, to avoid the solar heating effect on the South side of the plane, mid-day).  I am a happy camper with a window seat.  DDF prefers an aisle seat to facilitate not having to bother anyone if she gets up to use the facilities.  In middle seats, I typically have to sit with my arms crossed over my chest (known as a "Polish Bra" within my family) because the arm rests have over-flowingly large Umerikun or European travelling passengers spilling over them.  Sitting cross-armed for 3 or 4 hours is uncomfortable, leads to over-heating, armpit perspiration, and makes working on a laptop impossible.  DDF took the middle seat 14B and I took the window seat 14A.

On a Delta 737-800, in row 14, Not Only do you sit directly in-line with the high pressure turbine section of the nearby wing engine (the fastest place to die if a HP turbine disk ruptures, but it would be instantaneous, and spare you the shock and horror of seeing the person in front or behind you being impaled / decapitated / cut-in-half while the pilot tries to quickly get the plane on the ground in one piece with the one surviving engine IF it is still operating... don't worry, less than 2 dozen commercial passenger jets have ever suffered a catastrophic HP turbine wheel burst... so it is more likely you'll be hit by lightning), but the 14A window seat includes a tapered "wedge" where the contoured concave plastic cowling around the window nearly meets the left arm rest in-line with seat 14A's backrest.  This forms a narrow triangle that is easy to jam one's left elbow bursa into, and the plane's vibration in flight then "embeds" your elbow further.  Make it a 4 hour flight, with or without turbulence, but always including a small amount of engine vibration, and you have a recipe for disaster.  I watched The Batman Lego movie, part of Silence (but found 17th Century Jesuit missionaries to Japan not an engrossing topic, sorry Scorsese), all the while with my left elbow wedged against the arm rest and fuselage.

On July 3rd, I self-medicated with whiskey, both Irish and Kentucky varieties, copiously, and my elbow didn't hurt too much.  On July 4th, my elbow was VERY sore, and swollen.  The evening of July 4th, I began to ice it as DDF, my mother-in-law and I watched more Twin Peaks on Netflix in Cincinnati.  July 5th, we flew back to LAX and DDF and I were lucky enough to NOT have a passenger in the middle seat between us so the arm rests went up, and I had nothing to bump my elbow.  July 6th, more ice, and compression, as the elbow was warm, painful and swollen to almost the size of my knee.  July 7th (last Friday), I sat in the outpatient surgery waiting room for 4 hours with a chilled wine sleeve (see below) wrapped around my left arm's elbow (providing both compression and cooling), and I was unable to get an appointment to have my elbow looked at, as it was Not getting any better.  I was able to secure a 3pm appointment for Monday, July 10th, where I hoped that my primary care physician would either inject my elbow with cortisone or aspirate the swollen bursa or both.  Throughout the weekend, I kept icing my elbow, about 50% of the time I was awake.  At night, I'd go to sleep without anything on my elbow, and wake up with the elbow aching, unable to straighten my arm, and in significant pain.
Use a freezer wine "huggie" for both compression and cold! (left arm pictured here)
Naproxen Sodium entera-coated 500 mg was taken 1.5 times a day - I could have taken it 2x a day, but I was not disciplined enough to stick to a schedule.  By the time I went to the 3pm appointment, my elbow was only 1.2X its normal size.  When my primary care physician saw it, she told me to continue to do exactly what I was doing:
- compression
- cold packs
- Naproxen 2x a day
She also told me to keep moving it, do light exercise if it is not painful. "Pain is nature telling you to stop".  I lobbied her for an injection, and after a few dozen seconds of her squeezing and pushing on my elbow, she said "there is a greater risk if infection if I do. Here, I can feel your bone. Continue to apply cold and compression."  OK.  Patience.  "3 weeks is the standard recovery time from an injured bursa" she continued.  Deep inhale...  patience.

So, if you hurt your elbow, and it starts to swell up, and it aches for 2 or 3 days, and you're not sure what to do, certainly go to your doctor.  If you wait too long - as I did - and you go to the doctor after treating yourself with ice, compression, and full-range-of-motion light exercises to keep the joint from locking up, be prepared to just endure it... for 3 weeks.

Trump Family's Arrested Development

Dr Desert Flower and I have been catching up on old seasons of Arrested Development on Netflix while her shoulder (post-surgery) and my left elbow (compressed bursa) recover and heal.  With the recent Russian emails that have been revealed that clearly show collusion between the Trump family during the presidential campaign in July of 2016, and the Russian governments and government surrogates, DDF and I came to the revelation that the Trump family and the Bluth family are remarkably analogous.  If you're a fan of Arrested Development, read on, you may enjoy this post and could possibly provide comments to make it even better.  If you're no fan of Arrested Development, or have never watched the show, I recommend reading no further, as this post will probably just seem byzantine, trivial, and over-extended in its comparison.
From left to right: Buster, Maeby, George Michael, Lucille, George Sr, Lindsey, Tobias, and G.O.B. (pronounced "Jobe")

The characters in Arrested Development and their Trump analogues are as follows:

George Sr = 45 Himself; enriching his family by buying cheap desert acreage that the federal government will build a wall upon, running a fake university, repeatedly bankrupting the family business, a chronic philanderer who cannot keep it in his pants, throughout his whole life, multiple shady business associates.  George Sr is Far More Intelligent, conniving, devious, wily, and successful than 45 in myriad ways... but as the head of the family, there's similarities. (a 70% match)

Lucille = Ivanka; looking out for herself and her own financial gain, sleeps with George Sr, hyper-focused on appearances, is cut-throat and evil to the core. (a 80% match)

G.O.B. = Donald Jr; oldest son, incompetent, buffoonish, clueless, talentless, sycophantic son who ardently longs for his distant father's approval, full of hubris, arrogant douche bag without the intelligence or talent to back up such arrogance, causes the family intense pain, embarrassment, and catastrophic failure, repeatedly. (a 98% match... G.O.B. is much funnier, and less of a douche)

Buster = Barron; Overly attached to his mother, immature, youngest son (a 60% match)

Tobias = Eric; goof, no-value-added (a 40% match, since Tobias is a flawed character we know, and Eric is just a rich frat boy douche who hunts endangered species like Elephants in Africa)

Lindsey = Tiffany; adopted, clueless, left out of the picture (a 40% match)

Michael = Jared; boyish, has some clues but not enough, son-of-a-formerly-rich-father-who's-gone-to-jail, In WAY Over His Head, doomed to failure (an 80% match)

Maeby = 45's grand children we don't know about yet ( < 50% match)

{Late addition}
Kitty (George Sr's mentally unstable secretary) = Kellyanne Conway; both mentally tenuous, extremely dangerous, and both have "the crazy" in their eyes, but Kellyanne weaves lies much more effectively.)  (a 90% match)

{Late addition}
Ann = Sarah Huckabee Sanders; both come from narrow minded fundamentalist families, though Ann is far sweeter and more attractive than her press-secretary-wanna-bee-mean-girl-who-wants-your-lunch-money Huckabee Sanders.  Both have a mean streak inside them (Ann going off with Steve Holt... Sarah being herself)  {Thanks Jen H for these observations and suggestions!}

Stan Sitwell = Hillary Rodham Clinton, with hair; consistently the foil against the 45 administration, consistently has tried to defeat them but has not been successful in vanquishing them.

George Michael = ?  No equivalent in the 45 administration observed, yet... but stay tuned

Barry Zuckerkorn (played by Henry Winkler, the Bluth family lawyer) = Marc E. Kasowitz; incompetent, shady, does what he's told badly. (a 85% match)

Pence, Spicer, Massive-Foreheaded Stephen Miller, Christie, Gingrich, and Bannon don't have direct Arrested Development analogues that I can think of... at this time.

All readers' comments and suggestions are welcome.  This post will be updated as 2017 progresses and new information is revealed.  DDF and I thought it was pretty funny that there's so many similarities.

Monday, July 10, 2017

Black Lodge Yelp Review, or David Lynch At His Worst

Last weekend, Dr Desert Flower and I spent many hours finishing watching the 1990-91 Twin Peaks CBS television series, on Netflix.  DDF was resting after an outpatient procedure, and I was icing a pinched left elbow bursa that was jammed between the left arm-rest and the Delta 737-800's fuselage on row 14A, after we flew from LAX to Covington Kentucky on July 2nd for DDF's best friend's birthday party.  We were stationary humans last weekend, with considerable time on our hands.  Then, late last Saturday night, we began watching the 2017 Showtime series "Twin Peaks The Return" upon multiple recommendations of DDF's friends and co-workers who heaped high praise upon David Lynch's new work.  (Rotten Tomatoes has their reviews of them here: link, though I vehemently disagree with the tremendously positively reviews you'll find there)

The original 1990s TV series was not bad.  Some slow parts, some meaningless parts, far too many teenage-angst-romance sub-plots that now, as a man in his 50s, I could not care less about... but all in all, not a bad two seasons.  You find out who All killed Laura Palmer, you find out about the nature of the pervasive evil "Bob" represents, and there's a whole bunch of little side plots that progress nicely; many of them wrapped up with a neat bow, some of them left open ended.  DDF and I hoped that the 2017 follow-up would close those open loops.  That was a false hope that never came to fruition.

Instead, we got introduced to Dougie Jones, who when spoken to, repeated the last few words annoyingly.  Repeated the last few words, annoyingly.  This got really old fast. Really old fast.  It was not germane to what was happening back in Twin Peaks, and by all means, appeared to be completely irrelevant.  Completely irrelevant.  I would have rather had another teenage love triangle plot line instead of static-filled Dougie's scenes of endless fragmented repetition. Fragmented repetition.

Then, instead of Twin Peaks Washington, there was a major shocking sub-plot in the imaginary "Buck Horn South Dakota".  [Twin Peaks WA doesn't exist either, but was filmed in Snoqualmine, North Bend, and Fall City WA as well as Malibu CA]  How Buck Horn ties into Twin Peaks, no one figures out.  How does the hole-in-the-wall NYC high rise mutilation tie into anything, no one knows.  How does static-filled Dougie Jones in Las Vegas tie into Twin Peaks Washington, still, no one knows.  Very little happened in Twin Peaks in the 2017 series.  Most of it was putting you to sleep in NYC, scaring you in South Dakota, or making your eyes roll in Las Vegas.

All of this was very Lynchian, disjointed, fragmented, bizarre, mysterious, but it was watchable for the most part until the final episode.  New characters got introduced.  Some of them got killed,  Many good comedians played non-comedic parts.  Lynch pulled out all of his favorite actors and put them in the line-up who were still alive.  That is... until the final episode.  The final episode, for the first 20 minutes (the first 1/3rd), was a real episode.  There was plot, dialogue, progression, continuity... for the most part.  After the 20th or 22nd minute, the rest of the final episode became a masterbation exercise by David Lynch, a platform for him to take Eraserhead (or Labyrinth Man if you're in France) to the next level of inane, unfathomable, nauseatingly stagnant and boring "art expression" that drives an intelligent viewer mad.  I am so glad we watched it for free on our "Free Showtime Trial" which we will cancel next week.

Nuclear explosions in the New Mexico desert... is the mushroom cloud the one armed man's missing arm that is also a stunted growth and leafless sycamore tree in the Black Lodge who crackles with electricity?   Are the ubiquitous and ever-flowing red curtains of the Black Lodge representative of the blood that flows when evil manifests itself in the material world, or the fireballs of nuclear fission?  Are the shadowy black-and-white mobs of "woodsmen" who come out of no where and dive upon motionless, shot, evil, mulleted Dale Cooper in league with the nicotine zombie who takes over AM radio?  The crazy golden shovel Twin Peaks psychiatrist who rants on AM radio, is he supposed to analogous to the nicotine zombie guy?  The doppelgänger who turned into a small golden pea / pellet, is that related to the flying frog creature that hatched on a nearly black screen after the second nuclear explosion?

If those were the only questions, ok, I could grapple with it and wait and see for the next season.  BUT, those snippets took painstaking, excruciatingly slow minutes to get to, as characters slowly, slowly, slowly ascended stairs, or stared into nothingness, or gathered around an inanimate object that made no sense whatsoever.  "Meticulous" is how the Nerdist called these scenes.  Excruciatingly painful while-at-the-same-time eye-lollingly boring was how DDF and I saw it.  We'd fast forward at 4X or 8X for 15 or 30 seconds, and oh-my-gosh, the heavy-set lady had made it to the other side of the room.  Another 15 or 30 seconds, and the elderly giant had turned, 90 degrees.  Another 15 or 30 seconds, and the lady stares at the golden orb.  Arrrrghhhhh!


The final episode of the 1991 series had Kyle MacLaughlin running around the Black Lodge for about 5 minutes too long.  The final episode of the 2017 series had David Lynch and a team of special effects technicians running around for 35 minutes too long, tediously.  I could not care less if Showtime's Twin Peaks continues, or falls on its sword and goes away.  I've wasted far too many minutes of my life watching David Lynch's work on my TV, atrophying my brain.  "Has it given you nightmares?" ... one of DDF's friends asked us.  No, it's made my eyes tired from rolling (Anderson Cooper style), and it's motivated me to warn others to not waste their time watching something that'll squander their time and neurons...  unless... perhaps, they're on acid, and want to enhance their trip, or they're taking a contemporary art class and are forced to watch it as a class assignment.

No thanks.  I have a sock drawer I need to rearrange, or a garage to clean, or a thousand other things to do that are a much better use of my time.