Sunday, November 13, 2011

JustJoeP Scissor Hands

My name is not Edward, that's my dad and my brother... but perhaps I could go by "JustJoeP Scissor Hands".  I do not have a "fetish" with trimming hedges, as I get no sexual satisfaction or stimulation from trimming hedges, pruning trees, doing landscaping and yard work... but I do enjoy it.   When I visited my friend Ron in Islington London, I trimmed the hedges that bordered his backyard / patio while he cooked the family a delicious dinner (one of the BEST steaks I've ever had in my life).  When I visited my Uncle Joe and his girl friend Noreen, I trimmed the hedges around Noreen's home.   When I've visited my parents, I've trimmed their hedges and cut their grass.   This weekend marks a milestone, where I have done yard work in Snelville Georgia while visiting my best friend Ryan.

Ryan was not  feeling well Saturday, but I had committed to him that I'd bring my clippers and rip saw - being GOLD n Delta this year, I get 2 free checked bags - so I got into my blue jeans, got out my gloves and tools, and went to work trimming magnolia, gardenia, bradford pears, spruce, japanese maples, removing a 20 foot holly that was as big around as my bicep and that was leaning against the house, and committing crepe murder (severely trimming back crepe myrtles).  I even ran Ryan's Craftsman lawn mower for about 30 minutes to suck up leaves - the first time in 4 and a 1/2 years I started a lawn mower.

It was invigorating, and a wonderful upper body work out, generating a mound of branches the size of a 1970 Chevy Country Estate Station Wagon.  After a warm shower I did 45 minutes of yoga to help work out aches and impending pains.   Good stuff.  Felt great.  Cognac and Bushmills helped to alleviate any residual pain.

The Corona Rip Saw is made in Korea -  I got it at Ace Hardware for about $25.  The Koreans nicely tipped the teeth with tungsten carbide, and it rips through wrist and arm sized tree limbs like a steak knife through a porter house - sweet!  The Fiskars are just awesome Finnish clippers.   They chew through anything the size  of a human finger, and sometimes, with enough force, the size of a thumb. 

Call me crazy, but I enjoy trimming hedges, converting a landscape of uncontrolled chaos into an orderly, trimmed, presentable, tidy yard.  It's not an obsession, but you could say it is a 'passion'.  And it was all done manually, without any electrons driving any mechanical motors - other than my neurons driving muscle tissue to decimate 100s of branches.  Alix and Ryan kept thanking me, but honestly, I was thanking them.   I enjoyed it.

If you've got hedges to trim, branches to come down, home improvements to make, let me know.  I'll pack the right tools and come on over to your homestead.

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