Sunday, June 17, 2012

Prometheus Is Pants

Dr Desert Flower and I just got back from watching "Prometheus".  Oh Sir Ridley Scott, you do let the viewer down so.  Fire your Lost writer.  Get a believable plot line, and go with it.

If you are a scientist, or engineer worth his or her salt, or have two neurons to rub together, you will scoff at, laugh at, not enjoy Prometheus very much.  If you ARE a scientist, or engineer, or a thinking person AND you LIKED IT, Please TELL ME WHY.  I was laughing at it 1/2 way through it.  DDF was texting friends from the bath room, wishing she could just leave - a terrible movie to take a geneticist to.

Ok, spoiler alert, don't reader further:  lessons learned from Prometheus include
- Guy Ritchie looks terrible in "old Dave" (circa 2001 a Space Odyssey) make-up
- +3 light years is really only 1/2 a billion miles, according to Charlize Theron (suck on that Degrasse Tyson!)
- DNA can easily be looked at under a microscope
- geologists have face tattoos and are social misfits
- biologists who are afraid of a pile of bodies will be so incredibly stupid a few hours later, as to try and pet a slithering albino muck cobra-like creature, Steve Erwin like.
- after having major abdominal surgery, via a robotic medical pod, and being stapled shut, you are able to RUN, JUMP, and massively physically exert yourself without hemmoraging, pain, or any significant impairment
- a "face-hugger / fetus" can grow from small kitten sized, to giant squid sized, with nothing to feed upon except the decontamination chemicals in the medical robot surgery pod, in the period of an hour or less, because it does not need to obey the laws of conservation of mass
- the daughter of a multi-multi-billionaire will readily sleep with a surly, smoking, commoner class ship's captain, at the drop of a hat, when on a high stress trillion dollar mission, with daddy on board.
- artificial gravity works perfectly on non-rotating ships
- androids have to use hair product, to maintenance their perfect coifs, even when they are fully synthetic
- the nasty infections / viruses found onthe old moon on which Prometheus lands, can re-animate the dead, and turn them into super-human strength killing machines which cannot be killed by repeated shotgun blasts.
- after a face hugger matures, it doesn't have to burst out of one's chest, and instead, can burst out of a humanoid's skull?  really?  As long as they are wearing pachyderm like helmets, I guess.

I think perhaps that my expectations were far too high.  It was a laughably bad, inconsistent, unlikable movie, but since we saw it at 4:15 (before 6pm) it as only $7 a piece.. so that was not-so-bad at least.

As my friend Ryan put it "Prometheus sucked monkey balls."  - I just wish he'd told me that BEFORE I wasted $14 and 2 hours of my life on it.  I could have watched "snow White and the Huntsman" instead.


  1. I liked the first 25 or 30 minutes, and then it was downhill for me.

    Please tell me, what did you like about it, over-all?

    I will not mock or ridicule you... I am just trying to understand. I think my expectations were just too high.

  2. very neglectful of me to not check there first. My apologies. Work has been incredibly busy.

  3. No worries! It seems a very polarizing movie. One writer I saw described it as both "brilliant and shite". Heh. Most people seem to be in one camp or the other.


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