Thursday, November 12, 2015

November In Flight Movie Reviews

The day after Halloween, I got in a plane in San Diego, flew to Seattle, then Tokyo Narita, then onto Hong Kong, arriving super late Monday night, for a work trip.  Then, last Friday, November 6th, I got in a plane in Hong Kong, and flew the 17 hours back.  All in coach (Attention Corporate America bean counters and executives: if you want to crush the spirt of your workers, make them incredibly unproductive, and lower their morale while trying to induce deep vein thrombosis, then 17 hours in a coach seat on a trans-pacific flight is definitely the best way to do it!)

While unable to open a lap top in a coach seat with the traveler in front of you reclined and blocking 1/3 of your tray space, you are able to watch lots and lots of movies.  You can't order "Woodford Double Neat" from the flight attendants, who rebuke you with "I can't give you a double" ... Oh Really?? If I was in Business Class or First, you certainly could and would and have... but back here in steerage, I understand.  I'm no one.  A no-body.  So one at a time, I got a Woodford or a Courvoisier on the international legs.

What you're going to read here are short summaries that I jotted down, from the many movies I watched on a 4" x 6" screen on the back of the fully reclined seat in front of me, while flying from Seattle to Hong Kong, and back (all the work I could have gotten done... if the company had only sprung for a business class seat... oh well):

Me & Earl & the Dying Girl
Not bad.  Had its moments. If I was a lot younger I might have enjoyed it /  appreciated / related to it more.
Blowing up stuff for the sake of blowing up stuff.  Ridiculously predictable. Interesting to see Tony Stark try to function without Jarvis for a change, but other than that, not worth anyone's time. 

Poorly acted, poorly written, extremely stretched premises... Funny the first time originally in 1983, but not a good sequel.  Perhaps if I was high or drunk when watching it might have been better or funnier. Christina Applegate was great in it. Ed Helms basically played Michael Scott from The Office, but more clumsily that Steve Carell would have. 

Stand up & skits forced into a movie... Had funny moments (a few), but, very unlikable characters. Sad, since Bill Hader and Amy Schumer are very funny comedians & writers.  Glad I didn't see it in theaters 

Laughable bad. Spielberg wasted all viewers' time & money on this farce. Pre-dict-able!!!!!  So bad, it was hilariously funny where it was supposed to be scary.  Dumb dumb dumb.  Zero plausibility, zero believability, zero credibility.  This diminishes Spielberg's movie making legacy, in my perspective.  He should have kept his distance.
Just "before lunch"
Ted 2 - sequel should not have been made.  (I won't waste your time with a graphic or link... just avoid this, unless you're from Boston... then you might like it).  If you loved Ted 2, you have to explain why... and if I can't understand why, you cannot be my friend. Morgan Freeman... have you turned into Nicholas Cage in not being able to turn down any script?

As I have no small child or grand child or little niece or nephew who lives near me, I never saw this in the theaters.   It was a cute Disney movie.  No idea why it didn't go over smashingly in US movie theaters. I did fall asleep on the way from Narita to Seattle while watching this after mom gets turned into a bear and escapes from the castle... and woke up at the end when everyone was happily reunited again.  I need to figure out of the bratty little triplets turned into bears too...  or... ?

Steve Carell was creepy in this.  Tatum needed to scowl and frown more, as he looked only partially like a thick browed, brooding Neanderthal.   I saw only the first 45 minutes or so of this film before we landed in Seattle.  It was enough time to see an Olympic gold medalist go from the top of his sport, to kneeling before a billionaire and doing coke lines off a porch table.  I don't want to see the other 1/2 of the movie.  (and I wrestled, in 8th grade... so I understand the sport somewhat) 
Iron Man 3
Not to California Code
Did Audi pay for this movie with tons of product placement?  More blowing up things for the sake of blowing up things.  Predictable, no suspense at all.  Guy Ritchie is quite evil - and far too in shape for a man as old as he is... but I guess if I had a personal trainer and worked out 3 or 4 hours a day... still... I think this was the worst of the Iron Man movies.

"His body has been replaced at a cellular level.  He cannot be cured."
This movie was so terrible, there was no cure.  Not even Daenerys Stormborn with dark hair, and naked, could save this laughable farce. "Questions remain..."  ... yes, like "who agreed to fund this P.O.S.?"

Was great the first time I saw it in a theater. On a small plane screen with bad headphones, less spectacular, but still the best movie I saw the entire trip.  Theron and Hardy were both awesome.  Stunts were amazing.
Girl Power!!

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