Otter Box Wanted

I want an Otter Box for my iPad, so I can goole THIS, or THIS, or THIS, while soaking in the hot tub and drinking a drinky drink with alcohol while soothing my sore muscles after a 5 hour bike ride on a Sunday afternoon.   Anyone who can steal a day (or two or three) of vacation away from my beloved wife, (and vicariously from me, as well, since my world and my wife's world, are intrinsically linked, in plans and planning, and weekends) and who THINK they know more about science than scientists...  when they are just MDs who deal with patients who are all on slides...  not living, breathing, family-waiting-for-an-answer patients (no, those would be General Practitioners, Hospitalists, Heads of Internal Medicine, Heads of Residency, Oncologists, ER docs, and other actual medical doctors).

Sorry, but I have little patience for those who THINK they know what they are doing when they are just "winging it" and scrambling because they are otherwise clueless egomaniacs.  Leave the actual science to scientists.  Thanks!